There Will Always Be
by TheHopefulPuffin
Summary: Alternate chain of events for the episode "Mi Amore Wing". Hiccup and Astrid spend some time apart reflecting on their relationship. Angst, hiccstrid, some hiccup!whump, ya know - the usual. Will be a two-shot. **PLEASE read the AN in chapter 1 so you know what to expect**
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I'm not much of a writer and don't usually have the time for it - I've just been working on this off-and-on since the final season of RTTE was released…I know, that was ages ago. I REALLY don't have a ton of spare time.**

 ***** There is conflict between Astrid and Hiccup in this fic, and certain issues from the films and show have been amplified or highlighted in order to better serve the storyline. Things may get (temporarily) a little OoC, so if you don't like that, don't read it. This is your warning.**

 **Additionally, this story revolves around Hiccup and Astrid, so unfortunately Toothless won't be in it very much - I know! I'm sorry. Anyway, that's enough out of me for now, I hope those of you who read this little story will enjoy it!*****

Astrid was stomping through the woods in a rage, any branch or tree that was unfortunate enough to find itself in the sheildmaiden's path was swiftly demolished with a few swings of her axe. She grimaced inwardly as she remembered how much Hiccup hated for her to go anywhere alone, but then her face twisted into an unattractive smirk as she stared behind her at the trail of destruction she had left in her wake - there's no way they couldn't follow _that_ if they wanted to find her…

It's just, at that moment, she didn't want to be around any of them, especially Hiccup. And solitude had always brought her clarity, which was something she desperately needed at the moment.

 _"_ _I've never felt further away from you…",_ her hurried words floated around her head, distracting her and making her chest ache.

It felt like days ago that she had lost her temper and tossed Hiccup's betrothal gift back to him, but it had been mere minutes. As soon as the words had left her lips, and the pendant her possession, she had wished she could go back in time and retrieve them both. But she couldn't, and Astrid Hofferson does _not_ apologize, even when she was wrong. So instead of wallowing in shame and self-pity, she decided to fuel her anger, trying her hardest to find some way that she could justify all that she had done…

However, the more she searched her memory for examples of Hiccup's failures to feed the fire, she found only memories of his kindness and love. Sure he was a knucklehead sometimes, flighty and unobservant, but she knew deep down that he loved her with all of his heart. Some people claimed he worshiped her, even…And perhaps all this anger wasn't caused by his unworthiness of her - but by her own unworthiness of him.

Her mind drifted back through the years, back to a time when he had been Hiccup the Useless. She thought back to every cruel word, punch, or jab she had directed at Hiccup Haddock… and through all of it, she could never recall a time when he retaliated with anger or violence. He had always been meek and humble where she was hotheaded and arrogant. She came to realize, as her pace slowed from a determined march to a defeated trudge, that she had been projecting her own shortcomings onto Hiccup, amplifying his small failings in a way that brought him down to the level she currently found herself on.

It was true that she was the most beautiful woman on Berk, she _knew_ she had outward beauty…but she had always secretly been dissatisfied with her personal character. She didn't want anyone to know that inside of the great Astrid Hofferson lived a self-conscious soul. She didn't mean to be mean and short-tempered, it was just a reflex, a defense mechanism…She hated that about herself.

Her pride was often bigger than her heart.

While she was lost in these thoughts and memories, her hand moved automatically up to her chest, fingers searching fruitlessly for her betrothal necklace. The full weight of its absence finally hitting her… It was gone. She had just chucked the symbol of their love away like it had meant nothing. And what if Hiccup didn't want to give it back to her now…What if that decision, made in a split second of anger, had destroyed her future with her best friend?

What had she done…

She finally came to a stop, clutching her hands to her chest around an imaginary pendant. The anger from earlier had completely dissipated, and in its place, a deep sadness and near-paralyzing fear crept in. The words directed at her by Ruff so many times echoed painfully in her head - _why do you have to be so mean?_

Shaking her head and blinking rapidly to ease the prickle of tears in her eyes, she turned on her heels and began jogging back the way she had come. She needed to find Hiccup and make things right. Her pride would not win today.

 **.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

Hiccup had stood in silence for a moment after Astrid had departed. Snotlout and Dagur were frozen in place, having overheard the spat but not knowing how to approach the situation or their friend. They had both been taken aback by Astrid's sudden outburst, equally as caught off guard by her anger as Hiccup had been.

Neither of them knew what to do as Hiccup slowly started walking into the woods, all they could manage was to call his name in concern. But apparently he was deaf to their calls, because he gave no sign that he had heard them. The only thing he did before leaving was turn to his dragon to give his most loyal friend the command to sit there and stay. After that, he ambled off aimlessly, shoulders hunched in defeat, and vanished into the trees.

It was then that Snotlout began to move after Hiccup, but was caught by a firm hand around his upper arm, forcing him to stop. Turning in confusion to his comrade, he saw that Dagur was simply shaking his head with an apologetic look on his face. The Berserker chief let go and stared after Hiccup, mumbling something about "alone time" and "space", before walking away himself.

The young Jorgensen felt conflicted as he stared at the place in the treeline where Hiccup had disappeared. He supposed he could understand where Dagur was coming from, it was clear that Hiccup was hurting and needed time to think, but - even though this fight seemed like the most pressing issue at the moment - there was still the very real threat of dragon flyers lurking about as well as dangerously territorial wild dragons…

He had no idea whether he should be responsible, or just be idle and hope for the best. In the end, he decided to settle for making a fire and waiting for everyone to return, figuring they would all appreciate the warmth once they managed to cool down.

Keeping busy was one of Hiccup's tricks for combatting a bout of depression, so Snotlout ignored the slight chill he felt creeping into his being and busied himself with gathering dried logs. He was going to try to stay positive, for his friend's sake and for his own…even though the soft whine of a night fury did nothing to brighten the mood.

 **.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

Hiccup never liked it when he missed things. His ability to notice details that others typically missed was something he prided himself on…So how had he not seen Astrid's necklace? Was he really taking her for granted? Was he starting to not care about her…?

 _Pffff!_ No. The sheer absurdity of that thought caused him to snort. He would _always_ care for Astrid, he had before they were friends, and he would continue to care if…if they went back to not being friends.

The awfulness of that possibility smothered him for a moment, the light around him dimming. Life without Astrid? He didn't even know if he could survive without her. He wasn't sure he wanted to…

As he stumbled along, he began to feel a painfully familiar sense of self-loathing building up inside. He remembered the defense mechanisms he had adopted in his youth: the sarcasm and self-deprecation he had used as an armor to shield himself from the abuse of his tribe and peers.

Without Astrid, it was like he was doomed to be Hiccup the Useless again, and in that instant, he fell back into that hole he had lived in for the first 15 years of his life. That pit of awful, all-consuming depression. Feelings of hopelessness and uselessness had always been an issue for him, though no one really knew he felt that way. Many times as a young man he had found himself almost fearless in the face of danger because deep down, he didn't care whether he lived or died. Despite what most in the tribe thought, his carelessness had not been born of stupidity, but of a terrifying ambivalence toward his own existence.

It scared him now to feel those emotions stirring within himself, so he did his best to ignore them.

 _Change your focus, Hiccup! Think about something else…anything else…_

He closed his eyes tightly and decided to latch onto the first emotion he felt. And that was anger. It started as a whisper that berated him with questions: _How could you have been so careless? What if Astrid hates you now? What if everything goes back to the way it was before Toothless…_

It was as he thought back to the way things used to be that he started to feel a little angry at Astrid, too.

After all, she had never really been kind to him when they were growing up. Sure, she hadn't exactly _led_ the bullying, but she hadn't done anything to stop it either. In fact, she had basically ignored him for most of his life. It still hurt him to think that she used to feel that he was _nothing_.

Hiccup had always heard people talking about hatred like it was the worst thing one person could feel towards another person - but that wasn't the truth. From his own experience, he knew that the worst feeling a person could feel towards someone else is indifference. Hate at least requires some thought and effort.

Every time Astrid had walked by him and ignored his greetings, every time she had sneered at him when he opened his mouth to speak, every time she looked at him like his very existence was an inconvenience, every time she had made him feel invisible - it hurt worse than Snotlout's most powerful punches.

It bothered him that it was so easy to recall so many miserable memories from the first 15 years of his life where Astrid had been the antagonist. Even though he had always loved her, she had clearly not always felt favorably toward him…He sometimes wondered if she even truly liked him.

Flashes of Astrid's face from earlier that day made their way from the recesses of his mind to the forefront. He had seen the sideways glances and unsure grimaces she had made when watching Dagur and Mala making over each other in the clubhouse. Had she been thinking about how she never felt that way about Hiccup? The doubt had been plain on her face now that he thought about it…So perhaps deep down, she really _didn't_ love him…

For Thor's sake, she hadn't even bothered to get him a betrothal gift after they had been together for half a year!

And that was it - the moment his fragile mental state began spiraling out of control. His mind now on a self-destructive rampage as he thought back to all of her insults and the way she shamed and bullied him when they were kids. She had never felt anything for him aside from disdain _before_ he tamed Toothless.

A nasty voice in the back of his mind whispered that she was only with him for his dragon and station in the tribe - that he was stupid to ever think that she loved him. A dragon doesn't change its markings, as Fishleg's liked to say. He hadn't changed from the person he was before Toothless, and she had hated him then - so why would she change her feelings toward him all of a sudden? _Could_ she?

Maybe she hadn't. It was with a pang that he remembered the face Astrid had made outside of the Great Hall, when he had asked her why she cared if people knew about them when they had shared a brief kiss. The answer was fairly obvious, though - she was embarrassed by him. This realization shouldn't have hurt as much as it did, he should be used to it, most of his life he had been called "Stoick's little embarrassment". It killed him to think that he was an embarrassment to Astrid as well…

The pain of betrayal settled into his heart as he started thinking about the time he had been official with Astrid. Had their relationship been perfect? Not always, of course…but to him, it had seemed wonderful. He loved Astrid so much, he had always been happy to overlook some of their issues. He had always been quick to forgive and forget, so why couldn't she afford him the same grace he had given her?

Astrid and the rest of the gang pretended like the bullying had never happened. She had never apologized to him - he had awoken from his coma, and suddenly everything had changed. At the time it was so wonderful he didn't dare question it, but it still hurt him that the issue was never addressed. Like a wound that had stopped bleeding but had never fully healed.

Alas, none of that mattered now. She didn't want him.

His heart constricted just thinking about his past - thinking about the possibility of Astrid abandoning him forever. His grip on Astrid's betrothal necklace tightened reflexively, and tears sprung to his eyes.

But even as he stood there, trying to harden his heart and think about all the horrible things she had done to him - all the mental and physical abuse - he couldn't bring himself to feel anything for her other than love. He couldn't help it. Despite his many flaws, Hiccup was one thing above all else: he was forgiving, and he could't change that. He _wouldn't_ change that.

 _Such is the nature of love_ , he thought bitterly. It is both horrible and wonderful at the same time. She broke his heart, but she was also the air in his lungs, the wind beneath his wings. Nothing she could do to him could make him stop loving her. And even if she never truly loved him back, he would forgive her and go on loving her anyway. That's just the way it was for him. He would die for her without thinking twice.

He loved her… Maybe he should just swallow his pride and ask for forgiveness for whatever she felt him guilty of. Astrid was worth fighting for. And he would give a fight worthy of Astrid Hofferson herself if that's what it took to save **them**.

The words he had spoken to Astrid several months prior floated through his memory, _there will always be a Hiccup and Astrid_. He had been right, and he would live up to that promise. Holding Astrid's betrothal gift in one hand and a promise in his heart, he turned around and began heading back the way he had come. Back to Astrid.

Hiccup hadn't realized that the sun had set until he was snapped out of his reverie by a loud rustling in the bushes to his left. It was then that his eyes snapped into focus and his breathing grew heavy. Something was in the trees, and he was completely defenseless. In the back of his mind he noted ruefully that he had no idea where he was or how far away he was from their camp. He also knew no one else knew where he was, either.

The warm, determined thoughts of just a few moments ago chilled with the sudden adrenaline rush, and he was forced to assess the reality of his situation: He was lost, alone, had no weapon, no dragon, and was exhausted…But worst of all Astrid had broken up with him, and he might die before fixing things with her…Oh gods…

 **.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

The dragon flyer almost chuckled out loud as he watched the one-legged viking walking carelessly through the darkening woods. _This_ was the dragon master who had put several of the archipelago's top hunters on the run? From where he was sitting - atop his singetail - this boy looked like nothing more than a scatterbrained child wandering through the forest like a fool. He almost felt guilty as he touched his dragon's neck, giving the animal the cue to line up a shot on the oblivious viking. The beast caused a rustle in the bushes as it adjusted its stance, and as the auburn haired boy paused and started to turn in their direction, the flyer quickly jabbed the singetail with the butt of his crop and the dragon fired.

It all happened so fast, he barely even had time to register it. One moment, he was pausing to listen for a rustle in the bushes, the next, his world had erupted into fire and pain.

 **.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

A high-pitched ringing, that's all Hiccup could hear.

Weren't the bad guys always supposed to give you a chance to talk your way free or escape? Since when do they just attack like that?

 _What an asshole_ , Hiccup thought to himself as white lights danced in front of his eyes.

He laid there for a while, not moving. Flashes of awareness came and went like the tide. He coughed, and the sharp pain brought him back to reality, he decided to use the moment of clarity to mentally inventory his injuries. There was an overwhelming pain in his back and side, as well as the smell of burned flesh in the air that made him feel sick.

He had seen dragons with injuries from a singetail's blast before…some part of him knew the blow could very well be fatal.

By now he had vaguely registered that he was horizontal on the ground. Not that that was very surprising. His whole body hurt from being impacted by several things in a short amount of time - like a fireball, and then the trees and bushes he likely hit as he was thrown through the air, before finally coming to rest on the ground. He was glad it was dark and that he couldn't see his own injuries. He hated the sight of blood.

A sardonic smirk flitted across his face - now his body hurt as much as his heart did. _Perfect_.

The tears began to prickle in his eyes as he thought of Astrid. He would likely never see her again, never apologize for whatever he had done. He would never be able to forgive himself for wasting his last moments on this earth consumed in pointless angry thoughts at his dearest friend and lover…but a looming death brings a certain clarity, and he decided that anger and sorrow were not the last feelings he wanted to experience. So instead of thinking about his relationship with Astrid… he just thought about _Astrid_. He thought of the way she laughed when they sparred together and the way her eyes flashed when she lost. The way she smiled at Toothless, and the way her braid billowed in the wind when she rode Stormfly. He thought about the way she made him feel when her hand closed around his…And the way the stars reflected in her bright blue eyes…

He felt shock beginning to take effect; his heart rate dropped, the ringing in his ears grew louder and drowned out all the sounds of the world, the pain numbed, the world slowed, and his vision started to mercifully fade away. With the greatest of efforts, he opened his eyes to look into the sky one last time. Astrid…

Gods, those stars were beautiful.

 **.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.**

Astrid felt fear creep into her heart. She had returned back to camp to find Dagur and Snotlout sitting by a fire looking concerned, but Hiccup was gone. The young men had informed her that after she had stormed off, Hiccup had walked into the woods himself and had yet to return. It had been hours since they had fought, the sun had already dropped below the horizon. Astrid was surprised to see a forlorn Toothless curled up by a tree on the edge of their clearing, it was rare that Hiccup went anywhere without his dragon.

And nothing good ever happened to him when the two were separated.

The girlfriend side of her nagged that Hiccup was vulnerable without his dragon and these woods were dangerous with the flyers slithering about. They needed to find him before it got too dark, or before he got himself into trouble.

It was a small comfort to have Toothless with them - at least that way they knew Hiccup couldn't have left the island. But as darkness fell, Astrid's irritation had morphed into worry, which had evolved into panic. She was now sitting on Toothless's back, gliding low over the tree tops. The three rider's had split up in the search for their friend and leader. She had been yelling Hiccup's name into the night for what seemed like hours, her throat raw and painful. Her voice had started to crack when Toothless warbled at her, offering to use his echolocation instead.

She had reached down to stroke the dragon's neck when a singular, small explosion lit up the trees a few miles to the Northwest. Toothless let out an alarmed yowl, automatically accelerating to his top speed in the direction of the disturbance. Astrid felt a horrible sense of foreboding squeeze her insides as the night fury turned and shot through the darkness to the source of the sound.

When they landed, it took a moment for Astrid's vision to adjust to the darkness beneath the canopy of trees. She blinked hard a few times and strained her eyes, glancing around the area for the site of the blast. It didn't take long for her to find it.

Small tendrils of smoke were still rising from a charred section of earth just a short distance away from where they had landed. Her eyes followed the smoke down and her gaze came to rest on the dark outline of a familiar skinny viking. Prone and unmoving.

Her heart nearly stopped and a gasp escaped her throat as she vaulted off of Toothless's back, the night fury had followed her gaze and was right beside her as she raced forward - both skidding to a stop beside the still body on the ground.

Astrid was operating on autopilot as she dropped to her knees by Hiccup. Her usually unerringly steady hands were trembling violently as she reached forward to touch his chest, looking for any signs of life. Initially, the stillness caused fresh tears to well in her eyes, but her heart leapt hopefully as she felt the weak flutter of a heartbeat beneath her palm. He was alive!

But they needed to get him to Berk - fast. She had to save him before he slipped away from her forever.

She was momentarily drowned by the thought that if he died, she would never be able to correct her mistakes. He would die thinking she didn't want him. No…She would not let that happen. He would make it, and she would fix him - then she would fix what she had said and done.

"Oh, Hiccup… _please_ …", she whispered brokenly.

His eyes opened for the briefest of moments and locked onto hers, a terrifyingly calm smile ghosted across his lips as he sighed her name, and then his eyes slid closed. His face slack and horrifyingly peaceful.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hi guys! Thanks to those of you who followed / reviewed / favorited this** **story, it means a lot to me that anyone read it, let alone liked it! Anyway, here is the second and final chapter. Sorry if the pace feels a bit rushed, or maybe even a little disjointed - the only time I can write is** **late at night and, well, that's not always the best time for writing. In spite of that, I hope you still enjoy it!**

"No! Hiccup… _Hiccup?_ Stay with me!", she cried, lightly tapping his face in an attempt to keep him there with her. He didn't respond. The image of his pain-clouded but somehow still loving eyes looking into hers seared itself into her memory.

"…Hang on, Hiccup…", she whispered, bending down to place a very wet kiss on his pale cheek, "I love you…Stay with me, please. Please…I'm so sorry…"

By the time she sat up, Snotlout had appeared with a satchel full of medical supplies which he shakily held out to her. The usually abrasive boy stood quietly, hovering over Hiccup's other side, she knew he was waiting for her command but she herself was still reeling and trying to find her bearings.

She knew they had to get Hiccup home to Berk as quickly as possible…She would never be able to live with herself if Hiccup didn't make it. So she and Snotlout worked swiftly to fabricate a make-shift compress for Hiccup's wound and the two of them bound it up as best they could in the darkness, and with their limited supplies.

Between Dagur, Snotlout, and Astrid, they had no problem moving Hiccup's limp form onto the rough litter Dagur had constructed. And as soon as he had been wrapped in furs and secured in place by ropes, they readied to leave.

Astrid stood on the ground by the stretcher, stabilizing it as Hookfang carefully took it in his claws and readied for take off. On an impulse, she reached out to Hiccup before Snotlout could take him away, quickly squeezing his limp hand in hers and saying a swift prayer to the gods that some of her own strength could be given to him for his journey home.

It was when her cold fingers twined with his as the stretcher was lifted into the air that she felt something hard brush her fingertips. As the distance caused her grip to break and Hiccup was carried away from her, the chain of a small necklace that had been clutched in his hand caught on her fingertips and tumbled to the ground, landing softly at her feet.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Hiccup had been in poor condition when they arrived back at Berk. Gothi had tried to push Astrid out of her hut before she removed Hiccup's armor to examine and treat his wounds, but had quickly given up when the sheildmaiden had pulled out her ax and pointed it threateningly at the elder's throat. In a less dire situation, she may have traded whacks with the young woman, but at the moment she respected the girl's fire and understood her rage came from a place of love. In a rare moment of flexibility, Gothi allowed her to stay.

All Astrid could think about was Hiccup dying. And when the elder finally pulled off Hiccup's tunic and bandages, the dam behind her eyes burst.

The wound from the singetail blast looked worse in the light of the healer's hut. A large chunk of meat appeared to be missing from his side and back. Blood still oozed steadily from the injury, glimmering and bubbling in a sickening way with each shallow breath Hiccup took. His skin was so white that it almost looked gray, and even his fingernails had a bluish tint.

Gothi had been working on Hiccup for a solid hour, cleaning, packing, and wrapping the wound when Astrid finally forced herself to step out of the hut. The smell of blood had become too overwhelming for her, so she decided she needed to go outside to calm her nerves and check on Toothless.

The black dragon was too large to fit inside Gothi's tiny cabin, so he had been relegated to the porch. Astrid knew he couldn't stand being separated from Hiccup, most especially when his rider was hurt.

She recalled how inconsolable he had been when they had returned home with Hiccup after the battle of the Red Death and Hiccup's leg had to be taken.

Hiccup never got to see this side of his dragon…

So there she sat, stroking Toothless's smooth head and wondering if the dragon blamed her for what had happened to his boy when she heard an old door creak open.

Gothi stood in front of her, the bags under her ancient eyes more pronounced than usual, and gestured with her staff to the inside of the hut. Astrid swallowed thickly and nodded, before asking quietly if she could be left alone with Hiccup for a while. The elder had nodded knowingly and had shuffled off down the stairs. Probably to go find the chief, and then a horn of mead to lose herself in. Astrid watched her go for a moment before rising and heading inside, pausing briefly to whisper something reassuring to Toothless.

Once she was in the hut, she found Hiccup lying motionless on the bed in the center of the small room, surrounded by fresh furs and incense. He looked slightly better than he had last time she had seen him. But that was't saying much. After a few moments of staring at him, she stepped forward and took his hand in hers, pausing to reflect on the entire predicament. It surprised her how awkward she felt sitting here with him.

He probably had no idea what was going on and she doubted that he would be able to hear her, but just in case -

"Hiccup," she started, voice hoarse from lack of use, crying, and worry. Tears quickly formed in her eyes that she didn't even bother to wipe away. She took a shaky breath and pressed on, having so much to say to the _sleeping_ person in front of her.

"I don't know if you can hear me or not…I hope you can," She paused momentarily to stroke his knuckles with her thumb, bringing his limp hand to her lips and pressing a kiss on the cold white skin. "I'm so sorry, Hiccup - for everything…You wer- _are_ an amazing boyfriend, and I'd consider myself the luckiest woman in the world if… if you would still take me as your wife…" she paused to watch the rise and fall of his chest, then continued in a whisper, "You're my whole world, Hiccup."

It felt silly to be spilling her guts like this to an unconscious person, but she decided to press on when she realized how cathartic it actually was.

"I never should have said all those things to you. You deserve so much more than me… I realize that. You make me better, you make everyone better… I really don't know what I would do without you, so please, Hiccup, come back…Don't leave me here alone…"

Still gripping one of his hands with one of hers, she reached into her pocket and pulled out the necklace, squeezing it tightly.

"I have your betrothal gift here with me…If you don't mind, I'll hang onto it until you wake up. If…if you want it back then, I'll give it to you…But if you have no objections, I may wear it until then…"

She stared at his face intently, but Hiccup made no sound, save for the sporadic shallow breaths that he took.

And so Astrid slid the necklace over her head, letting the pendant rest next to her heart. All while her tears dripped steadily onto her lap.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

There was a gentle voice floating down to him. He could hear it, soft like rain trickling off the roots in the cove during a summer storm. But why couldn't he see anything? It was frustrating…he felt so weak anyway…oh well, giving up was probably the best option. He couldn't remember why, but giving up felt like what he wanted to do. Then he heard the voice again.

He knew that voice - Astrid! He wanted to look for her, but the darkness was everywhere, he wasn't even sure if he had a body. So he stopped his fretting, and strained to hear. It was like he was under water, but he could just make out the soft words being spoken to him.

"You need to hold on, Hiccup, for me. Please…Please, do that for me…"

He could hear the tears in the voice as it spoke, and he was confused. Astrid…that didn't make any sense, she left him…

"Come back to me. Hiccup, come back…I love you…I'm - I'm so sorry…"

And just then, a light seemed to appear somewhere around where he was - if he was, in fact, anywhere at all.

He could almost see it, but for whatever reason, couldn't reach it. He focused on the light and he held onto it, he would find a way to where the light was - because where it was, Astrid would be also.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Waking up took ages. For an indeterminate amount of time he was just floating in that dark in-between, not fully conscious but not unconscious either. He could hear but not see. He could feel, but not feel pain. He could think but not focus.

It was really infuriating.

After some time he seemed to be getting closer to wakefulness, though. Small sensations transitioned into aches and pains and the darkness began to get brighter. He did his best to jog his memory, trying to concentrate on anything.

He started by mentally exploring his body, and trying to assess his surroundings. Apparently he was in a bed, lying on his stomach and covered in a small mountain of heavy blankets, the weight of them nearly pinning his weak body down. His forehead and neck felt damp and sticky…And gods above, everything suddenly _hurt_! As he became more aware, more body parts started chiming in with unwelcome pangs. What had happened to him? It gave him a headache to think, but he fought through the hazy cloud of too-much-sleep anyway, trying his hardest to recall what led him to his current wounded state.

It was with massive effort that he finally managed to crack his eyes open. _Gross_ , he thought, they felt so crusty…He wanted to rub them but his arms were not interested in behaving. Ugh.

Then it hit him - Gothi's hut. That's where he was. He recognized the dusty shelves that lined the walls, each filled with dozens of odd-shaped bottles containing smelly ointments and jars stuffed with dried plants and rare barks. He took a deep breath and winced in pain when the slight movement irritated a large area on his back…Something had _definitely_ happened to him, the searing pain he was in told him that much. And he could gather the severity of the injury from his location - only seriously sick or injured vikings had to stay at Gothi's residence - usually, they were treated and sent home. So whatever trouble he had gotten himself into had warranted a high level of care…

He noted that his shirt was gone, but he could feel the tight sensation of bandaged around his lower back and stomach. His prosthetic and boot were also gone, and it felt like he was wearing a thin pair of wool trousers. The thought that someone had undressed him when he wasn't awake to shield himself made him feel uncomfortable. He made an embarrassed, involuntary noise high in his throat and quickly tried to think of something else - memories… Where was the last place he remembered being?

After a few minutes of sorting though flashes of fever dreams, he remembered Armor Wing Island…and Astrid's necklace. And that's when reality flooded back to him in an attempt to smother him. She had left him, he had walked off alone…and now he was here.

It was all coming back now. Astrid had given him back his betrothal gift. He tried to feel if the pendant was still in his hand, but it was gone. Of course it was. The small necklace was probably dropped somewhere on Armor Wing Island. He wondered if he could go back and find it…but even if he could somehow locate it - would Astrid even want it?

He glanced around the room looking for her, realizing with a pang that she wasn't there. He had fought so hard to return to her…to her voice… but it must have been his imagination. Some part of him felt like crying over her absence, he thought she'd care enough to be here. Even if they weren't engaged anymore, weren't they still friends? Had she already discarded him so completely?

All of this came too soon for his battered body and tired mind to deal with, so he closed his eyes just as the tears started to fall and willed himself to go back under - flying far away, to a place where the pains of life could not follow.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

When Astrid opened the door to the hut, she realized immediately that Hiccup had woken at some point during her absence. His head was turned the other way, and there was a faint white streak on his cheek from what appeared to have been tears that had fallen and dried. She rushed forward and dropped to her knees by his bedside, placing a hand on his face and calling his name.

His eyebrows twitched slightly, pulling together for a moment before smoothing out again, but he remained asleep.

"Hiccup, can you hear me, babe? Hiccup..?"

It took several minutes, filled with much coaxing and many gentle strokes and kisses, but eventually his deep even breaths had turned into sharp and painful sounding puffs.

Even though she hated to see him hurting like this, she knew that he needed to wake up.

He was struggling, so she snaked her hand forward and twined her fingers around his, squeezing gently. This gesture seemed to rouse him a little more, his eyes finally cracking open.

She knew he would be groggy and she hoped that he wouldn't immediately remember the fight they had had back on Armor Wing Island…Unfortunately, Hiccup was never one to make life easy on those around him. It was painfully obvious that he remembered what had happened when she felt him weakly try to tug his hand from her grasp, even as she refused to let him go.

His eyebrows had pulled together in a look of hurt - whether it was from physical pain or emotional pain, Astrid couldn't tell - but she didn't have much time to read his face, because after a brief moment, he slowly turned his head away from her without meeting her eyes, his hand going limp in hers.

"Hiccup?" she said softly, sensing that she was about to start babbling, "Please, look at me - I have so many things I need to say to you, and it would help if you'd listen to me…"

She saw his back shudder slightly and heard him draw a shaky breath, but his head did not move. She reached forward tentatively and twirled her finger around a lock of his hair, trying to reacquaint him with her touch. He tensed slightly at first, but she could see the muscles in his neck loosen and he relaxed and sunk into the furs a bit more. She took that as a good sign, and kept playing with his hair as she spoke.

"Hiccup…I hope you can forgive me… If I could go back in time and change all that I said and did, I would. You did not deserve that - any of it. And I'm - I'm sorry."

It was one of the few times in her life that she had ever apologized to anyone so sincerely. She knew that Hiccup knew that as well. He didn't turn his head, but after a quiet beat, she heard a quiet, inquisitive noise hummed from the back of his throat, like he was saying, _really_? She smiled a bit, hoping with all her heart that he would believe every word of what she was about to say.

"I truly am. I don't know what came over me, Hiccup. You have always been a great friend…even when I wasn't much of a friend to you. I-I guess _I_ was the one taking _you_ for granted. As soon as we had that fight, I realized what a horrible mistake I had made. I didn't stay gone very long, but when I went back to apologize, I couldn't find you…and then…"

Hiccup knew what happened _then_. _Then_ he had gotten hurt - and any chance of quickly repairing the damage had been crushed. Because of that, they had both been forced to dwell in a mental Hel while he slowly recovered.

Astrid seemed to guess that he was thinking along those lines, because she continued where his thoughts seemed to stop.

"But you're awake now, and doing so much better…For a while, we all thought we'd lose you…I was terrified. I've never been so scared…"

And for the first time, Hiccup spoke.

"Yo-u.…sc…red..?" Even when he was severely injured, Hiccup could still make Astrid feel invincible.

She nodded with a sigh, then remembered he couldn't see her. She got up quietly and walked around the bed to kneel in front of Hiccup so they could really look at each other.

"Yes," she said in her most strong and convincing voice, "More scared than I've ever been in my whole life. Gods Hiccup, what if you had _died_? What if I had never gotten to say sorry? What if I had never gotten to fix what I broke? What if you had died thinking I didn't love you…" She was crying now, and Hiccup's eyes were large and slightly alarmed as he stared at her face intently. He didn't like seeing Astrid cry, even though what she had said made his chest feel warm.

She was hanging her head in shame, feeling broken at the thought of how close she had come to never speaking to Hiccup again. She couldn't imagine her world without him in it and even now the thought of it made her feel hollow. Then warm fingers, shaking with the effort, reached out and touched her hand gently. She reached up with her own and clasped Hiccup's in hers, squeezing him a little too hard as she sobbed and leaned forward onto his bed.

This was all pretty surreal for Hiccup. He had been soul-crushingly devastated when Astrid had left him, obviously…and had figured that she was truly over him when he woke up and discovered she wasn't there… But here she was with him now, begging for forgiveness and telling him she loved him…It was all too much for him to process at that moment.

He knew they would have to have a serious talk soon, but his body was too tired and broken to even think about it. So he settled for a just few words, the most important ones, even as sleep started tugging on him again.

"Love…you…'strid"

He was out as soon as the words left his mouth. But for the first time in many miserable days, Astrid had a genuine smile on her face. She looked down at Hiccup, who was already fast asleep, and bent down to place a kiss on his cheek. She would wait here until he woke. She never wanted to leave him again.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

She was dozing in her chair by Hiccup's bed when he gave a sleepy sounding moan. Her lips twitched involuntarily at the comfortable noise he had made. Any sound from him that wasn't a moan of pain was welcome to her ears. She glanced up and was almost startled to see his bright green eyes open and looking at her.

"Hi," she started, almost mushy in her relief and joy. She sounded more like a little girl talking to her crush than a strong and capable sheildmaiden talking to a old friend. And to make matters worse, she could feel a cry coming on by the unpleasant stinging sensation in her nose.

"hi-mph," was Hiccup's tired response.

She scootched closer to him, smoothing one of the furs with her hands as she looked down at him, trying to assess his state.

"Are you thirsty?", she asked suddenly and he nodded slightly. Realizing right then how thick and swollen his throat felt.

Astrid rose and strode over to a small counter where a clay pitcher and cup sat beside a few pouches of different herbs. She could feel his eyes on her as she busied herself with making a cup of medicinal tea the way Gothi had shown her.

Ignoring the intense gaze he had locked onto her, she came back with the cup in her hand, holding it out to him.

"Gothi left this for you to drink, it's supposed to help with the pain and reduce the risk of fever."

However, when his hands reached for the cup, Astrid saw that they were trembling violently, reflexively she pulled the cup back and looked at him apologetically.

"Maybe you should let me…" she started, before he rolled his eyes in exasperation and glared at her.

"Why're…being so nice?" His tone wasn't cross, but he sounded rough and a little wary. She couldn't hold that against him after everything that had happened, though.

"Because - I love you and I'm sorry…This is all my fault. If I-", but Hiccup cut her off.

"It wasn't…your fault." he struggled to get out. "Itw's…mine…didn't see the necklace…" She could tell he was about to start berating himself and she couldn't stand to hear that right now. She hated when he did that. So she reached forward and put her index finger against his lips, effectively silencing him. After a few seconds of that, making sure he got the message, she held the cup out and put it directly to his mouth. He probably would have argued and tried to push it away, but when he caught a glimpse of the look on her face, he thought better of it and just gave in, sipping Gothi's medicine down without argument. He doubted he'd win anyway and he was too tired to try…People called him stubborn, but he knew better than to challenge Astrid when she wanted something.

When all of the nasty liquid was gone, Hiccup cleared his throat. It felt a little better, and not so much like a flock of terrible terrors had just clawed it's way through his esophagus. At least he could comfortably talk now - because they _needed_ to talk.

"Feel better?"

Hiccup glanced at the wall behind Astrid for a moment, thinking hard about something. Then his eyes traveled back to hers.

"I feel okay."

Liar.

He was being too quiet, too reserved. And she couldn't take it anymore. The words came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them, "Hiccup, can we talk about what happened back on that island?"

He blinked owlishly at her and his eyes looked sad, but he didn't make any objections.

"Look, I know what I did was wrong, Hiccup, I see that now. I really don't know what came over me. Maybe I was just being over-"

"It's okay, Astrid, really…'s fine." He interrupted emotionlessly, but Astird shut him down in kind.

"No! You can't keep playing the martyr all the time, Hiccup! You can't pretend to be okay when you're clearly hurting! This is all my fault! Please - shout, scream, say _something_ other than 'I'm fine'!"

Hiccup sat there quietly, trying to take everything in and figure out what he needed to say. This was all too much for his exhausted mind to deal with, but Astrid was right, they needed to deal with it.

"You…never said sorry…"

His voice sounded so small.

Astrid leaned back, looking puzzled.

"Sorry? Hiccup, I told you I was sorry a few minutes ago…I'll say it again though, because I truly am -"

"No. Not 'sorry' for…breaking up with me," He felt some small, empty pleasure in the way she flinched at those words, "Sorry for how…for how you treated me…when we were younger…It's just, sometimes I feel like…I don't know, just forget it." But he had already said too much, and Astrid wasn't about to let this go.

"Sometimes you feel like _what_ , Hiccup?" Her voice didn't sound angry, but he detected a hint of apprehension.

He let out a deep sigh. Maybe it was the fact that he was so tired, or that his everything hurt, or that - deep down - he was still a little tiny bit angry at Astrid, but Hiccup finally opened the floodgates he'd worked so hard to keep closed, releasing some of the things that had been drowning him for years.

"Sometimes I feel like you don't love me!" his head throbbed, but he had to get it out. "I feel like you're ashamed of me…like…like I embarrass you." He was panting now, out of breath already. "Not that that would be surprising, I'm a scrawny, one-legged, _hiccup_ …Do you have any idea how it felt when we were kids…when you would bully me, or worse, when you'd _ignore_ me?" almost there, he wasn't going to stop now, "You never said sorry for the way things used to be…One minute I was Hiccup the Useless, and the next I had a dragon and you _liked_ me…Sometimes, I can't help but wonder if you don't like _me_ …maybe it's just the idea of me, or my dragon, or something else, but-"

There it was.

He was lightheaded, his brain throbbing, his heart was palpitating irregularly, he was beginning to feel sick, when —

"Hiccup…" Astrid's faint whisper interrupted him, and he finally stopped to look at her face for the first time since he had begun his tirade. He was shocked to see the blotchy red patches on her wet cheeks, the way her blue eyes were rimmed red from tears. Even as he witnessed it, Hiccup couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that Astrid Hofferson was _crying_. And suddenly he felt horrible, he never wanted to do that…he never wanted to hurt her.

"Oh, Astrid, I'm…I'm sorry - I…I didn't mean all that…I…I…"

"No, it's fine, I deserve this, and…And I want to know. I can't fix it if I don't know what needs to be fixed…"

Hiccup's own eyes were starting to get wet, from exhaustion, pain, or sadness, he wasn't sure. Probably a combination of the three.

Astrid started speaking again before Hiccup could interject.

"How long have you felt this way?" She wasn't looking at him, instead picking at a small bit of dirt that had splashed onto her leggings at some point.

Now it was Hiccup's turn to avert his gaze, "Since…Since I woke up…after the Red Death…"

Her eyes shot up and her eyebrows narrowed. _Oh shit,_ Hiccup thought as he saw her gaze turn furious.

"That was three _YEARS_ ago, Hiccup! You've been resentful and angry for _three years_?! You could have said something…you should have! You chose to bottle this up and-"

"Astrid," Hiccup's calm yet firm voice hushed her. It was unlike him to use that tone with anyone who wasn't a wild dragon. "Just…forget that I ever mentioned it."

She looked at him like he had grown two heads. _Forget?_ How the Hel was she supposed to forget now?

 _"_ Hiccup…"

Astrid didn't know what to do. She sat there gnawing on her lower lip and looking at the floor. Some part of her knew they needed to fix this, but the other part of her did not want to see what this stony side of Hiccup could become if he were pushed. She didn't want to admit that he was right. She didn't want to take responsibility for the part she had played in hurting someone she loved so much. She wanted all of this to just go away. She wanted to wake up from this bad dream.

He sighed, wincing and shifting uncomfortably when the action caused him pain, Astrid opened her mouth to ask if he was okay, but he shook his head, eyes still closed.

"I should have told you sooner…I know. I should have trusted you. But I failed, and look where it got us." They both looked somberly around the healer's hut.

Astrid looked back at him sadly. He always did this, she thought, he could always find a reason to blame himself. But she knew just what to say to stop his thoughts in their tracks, and just maybe heal his unseen wounds in the process.

"I love you."

She was pleased with the way the words tumbled so easily out of her mouth, with nothing but honesty. She pressed on, "Whatever has happened, whatever I've done, I just want you to know that I love you - I always will."

His green eyes were shining with tears as he looked at her in something akin to awe. She felt like she needed to initiate the next part…

"And, if you'll have me —"

But Hiccup cut her off, suddenly looking worried, and her heart momentarily sank. She looked at him, saw his troubled expression, and frowned.

"Astrid…" the anguish clear in his eyes, "I - I lost your necklace. I must have dropped it in —"

Then he noticed Astrid was grinning.

She stood up from her chair and sat on the edge of his bed, toying with a chain that hung around her neck. Hiccup's eyes flicked curiously to her fingers as she pulled out the pendant.

He sat there in silence for a few moments, then he choked out "I…I can't believe this…", a look of utter confusion and shock on his face.

"What's that?" Astrid asked him.

"I missed that damn necklace again!"

And Astrid started to laugh.

And just like that, all the soul-crushing stress and worry and pain from the days previous was swept from the room, like the light of a candle chasing away the darkness. It was in that moment the two teenagers saw the bigger picture: That to be with someone who makes you feel this way - who make you happy, makes you cry, makes you worry, and makes you feel safe - is all that really matters.

So the two friends-turned-lovers sat there laughing with each other until they were too tired to go on, and then they snuggled close to one another, warmed and healed by the promise that there would always be a Hiccup and Astrid.


End file.
